The Perks of Being A Soon-to-be-Mother

Surprise! Surprise! Here I come!

Shock was an understatement. When I saw the two red lines in the pregnancy test kit Jay bought the other night, I did not cry. I bawled! With trembling hands I zoomed past the flight of stairs, not mindful of the questioning looks of my housemates who probably were surprised of my sudden outburst in the bathroom. Still sobbing, I was greeted by Jay's knowing smile in our room. I slumped in bed and cried for another 30 minutes while he was busy consoling me.

I was scared as hell. Am I ready? Will I be a good mother? These and many questions were like echoes on my mind that time. And the moment all my tears dried up, I stared at Jay. I knew, with that plastered smile on his face and twinkle in his eyes (the same look I got from him in the church more than a month ago) and despite how messy I could have looked by that time, I knew that he was very, very happy.

Happy daddy!

I was a circus of emotions after that. One moment I was scared, one moment I was relieved. I was like, can I overcome my fear of blood and pain? Gosh just by thinking of the dextrose needle makes me want to faint. And the other voice in my mind whispered, there is a baby in your womb, your own flesh and blood. Aren't you excited to see her? And just like that. All my fears dissolved and a very unfamiliar protective instinct rose inside of me. It was more than I have ever known. More than I could explain with words. That just by thinking of a life growing inside me was more than as surreal as me walking down the aisle of St. Jude Thaddeus Parish on my wedding day.

Days passed and the truth started to sink in. Yes, I'm going to be a mother! My reproductive system is as healthy as a bull! I'm going to be called a Mama soon. I wanna dance and scream and shout and sing. And snap, the world rotated in full 360 degrees and it almost went black. Well, hello there morning sickness, I thought you only exist and being exaggerated in movies. I never expected you to be so real. And worst, I thought you only come in mornings, not 24/7.

Scared mama!

Time seemed to be prolonged as I'm battling my nausea and lack of appetite. I did not like food in general. I was very picky. If I force myself to eat, I'll suffer the consequence later (you know FIFO first-in first-out system in production terms). And I hate to go into details. I hate Facebook because whenever I log in, all I see are pictures of food and for the first time, I don't like seeing some people. I don't hate my friends. I just can't explain why I can't stand seeing them making faces or doing crazy stuff. I can't control what I feel. My mind tells me, fight it, it's not you, it's the hormones. But what can I do? The hormones control me and I'm helpless.

I was thinking of cheese all the time. Cheese sticks, cheese on pizza, cheese on baked Zitti, cheese on bread, cheese on puto (rice cake), cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Even in pregnancy I'm so cheesy. Good thing, I did not dislike the smell of my husband. I even wanted him near me all the time. Just like what Forrest Gump said, we're like peas and carrots, always together. Cheesy!!!

               "And in that moment, I swear we are infinite." - Charlie, Perks of Being a Wallflower

The actual perks came when I went to see our child for the first time. It was the only accessible clinic that time and I was really insistent of undergoing the lab test. My persistence was all worth it. The moment I saw my little angel, I stopped myself hard not to bawl again. Seeing my sweet little pea's heartbeat was the most magical thing that ever happened to me. Hearing it was another miracle. My baby's alive! And I vowed that from that day forward I will put all my might to take care, love, cherish and protect her. Forgive me for the preference but I really wish my baby to be a girl.

Despite the struggle, I was showered with care, thoughtfulness and love from no other than my dutiful and wonderful husband. He was with me in every difficulty, getting up early to buy me pandesal and puto, waking up with me in wee hours for nature calls, doing the household chores assigned to me, providing for my meds, check-ups and tolerates my whims and mood swings. These are the perks that how I wish could be extended beyond my pregnancy. Hahaha!

And I vowed that from that day forward I will put all my might to take care, love, cherish and protect...

I could not tell all the wonderful things that I feel at this moment. Because I might lack the right word to describe it. But I've never been this amazed, this happy and this complete. And I wish that God will bless my little one as we go on this trip. It will be long and with possible bumps and humps along the way. But I know that with God, my family, my friends (see you in my next trimester), my loving husband and my little one, our journey would be worth all the wait.

All wedding photos courtesy of Yap Photography