How to Politely Ask for Monetary Gifts on Weddings

Photo courtesy of http://ncfy.acf.hhs.gov

When I was a kid, I always wondered why do gifts for weddings always come with color white or shiny silver. And oftentimes, whenever my mom would be ninang (godmother), she would always buy a set of glasses, plates, kitchen wares, thermos, or rice cooker. And I find it also awesome during the wedding of my titas (aunts) how they unwrapped all the wedding gifts similar to the ones I mentioned about what usually mom bought as presents. In my young mind I thought, wow, that's so many. How would they use them all? Are they going to sell them? Or will they give them away?

My mom explained to me that gifts for weddings would be used to start up a family. She also said that oftentimes the silver wares, glass wares, kitchen wares and all other wares received are used whenever there are special occasions. That is why every common Filipino family has the special cabinet to store those household wares. Now that was ages ago.

Fast forward to the second decade of the new millennium where everything is as quick as the internet. Wedding traditions are also evolving and those that were previously tagged as unethical are slowly justified to be part of the norms. Take for example the weddings gifts. Etiquette would suggest that is not advisable to ask for wedding gifts or compel those who will attend to give. Because it is your wedding day, a day to celebrate your union and not a day to ask for gifts. 

Now here's where the dilemma comes. Common practice of family and friends is to give gifts during the wedding because it's tradition. And modern couples would like to carefully ask for monetary/cash/gifts checks or subscribe to a wedding registry. The latter is a service usually provided by stores to help would-be couples choose the gifts they wanted their sponsors to give them. It is currently available in top malls in the Philippines. 

Rationale for doing so is because maybe the couple has no house of their own yet and space is not a luxury, both are working from afar or overseas that bringing along the gifts would demand a little effort or for practicality because they can have better options on what to buy as start-up. Of course it is uncomfortable, quite tacky, and vulgar or any description you can think of relating to asking for money. But according to different wedding magazines and blogs this can be done in a more tasteful manner.

Here are the more famous ways on how to appear polite in asking for monetary gifts:

1. The ever famous wedding poem

Poetry can do magic. Not only in expressing your love but also to convey what you desire. I’ve seen this creative poem from a friend’s wedding invitation:

If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way.

A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day.

However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way.

It is neither straight forward nor imposing. It doesn’t sound tactless but the silent intention is clear.

2. Information dissemination

According to Wedaholic.com, you can start spreading the word by telling your immediate family, your intimate friends that you wish to have monetary gifts. You see word spread so fast in a blink of an eye. That’s why viral videos and viral scoops and blogs are famous nowadays. But don’t assume right away that they will go according to what you wished for. So do not expect much. There would also be reactions here and there from traditionalist and terms like “mukhang pera” (materialistic) comes in. But do not be affected. Not all people perceive the information the way you want it. Shrug it and move on.

3. The envelope

This is also a tricky one. Because if not executed well, it will look forced or compelled. The envelope would put an impression that your guests are required to give out cash. So you can put a twist to this tradition. Instead of giving the envelopes out, make a money tree and those who wish you well can hang the envelopes in there. Or put a treasure chest instead to add anonymity.

4. The money dance tradition

According to Wikipedia, the money dance originated in Poland in the 1900’s wherein gentlemen will pay in order to dance with the bride and ladies would do the same to the groom. It has traveled across the globe in different style and flair. Here in the Philippines, the host will usually announce it and the guests would be given safety pins to attach to the dress and attire of the bride and groom. Everyone can pin a peso bill or two during the dance.

5. Pakimkim (Sponsorship)

Pakimkim is a local tradition where newlyweds, newly baptized, newly confirmed are given a sum of money in exchange for food, wine or desserts. This is famous in the Southern Luzon area particularly in Quezon Province and Batangas. There would be an arbitrator during the Pakimkim who will announce how much did the sponsor gave to the couple. The sponsor would bili (buy) the item for Pakimkim usually made of kakanin (local delicacy). Like for example one set of delicacy is equivalent to 500.00 pesos, if the sponsor will give 1,000 pesos he/she will be given 2 sets of delicacies.

These are so far the practical ways on how to politely ask for monetary gifts. But remember that what is more important are the presence of the guests, friends and family. That is more than gift to the newlyweds.

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