The Truth About Cold Feet

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My research in cold feet led me to the truth that there is really an existing medical disorder of the same name. It is the cool sensations of the feet caused by low temperatures or nervous system problems. Meanwhile, based on Wikipedia, cold feet, the idiom, was coined by American author Stephen Crane in his novel Maggie: A Girl of the Streets. The term connotes indecision, apprehension or doubt in pursuing plan. Currently, the term is popularized to describe the bad, jittery feeling or hesitation before the wedding. 

Cold feet is every bride’s and groom’s nightmare. It is the feeling associated with an increasing gap with your partner as the big day nears. One can easily sense the lack of enthusiasm from the other party. Although the drifting apart feeling could happen any time in the relationship, it could heighten up during engagement where the relationship is on its somewhat secured, laid-back phase. During these times, familiarity starts to sink in and traits which are formerly ignored are being highlighted.

Although runaway brides and jilted grooms are staples only in teleseryes (tv series), these do happen in real life. I have friends who would tell about a friend they know who was ditched at the altar for some petty reasons. Their stories were heart-wrenching, unthinkable and sadly, humiliating. I only read those stories in books and to hear them happening in real life is really cruel. Their accounts remind you that engaged status doesn’t guarantee marriage. Many things still happen in between. My friends’ friend may have recovered from the heartbreak but the emotional trauma that comes with it never goes away. It serves as reality check that promises can be broken and sometimes in the most painful and selfish ways.

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So how to survive the cold feet treatment? I’m not the right person to offer professional advice but I will base my answer on personal accounts of friends and research. First, double take if you indeed feel that the other party is no longer interested. Maybe you’re just overwhelmed of the tasks and you feel like the other party is not helping. For this case, proper designation of task would help. If your partner doesn’t deliver his task, ask first for an explanation. If the explanation is valid do not worry. If it is out of this world, obviously made up or incomprehensible then that’ the time you should ask why. Always maintain diplomacy during confrontations. A feeling of hesitation is sometimes normal during the preparation process. It could be attributed to stress or too much worrying of the gargantuan things to accomplish.

If the other party is acting strange, give a little space for some reflection. If the space is getting bigger, consider it a red flag. Remember always that a committed person would reach out and give assurance. If these are no longer present in the situation, talk with your partner, address the issue or both agree to walk away. Although the latter could be devastating, bear in mind that forcing someone for marriage could led to more future troubles.

Morally, it is wrong to break a wedding promise and there are existing civil laws against this. As I’ve read from the W@W wedding planner, Article 21 of the Civil Code states that “Any person who willfully causes loss or injury to another in a manner that is contrary to morals, good customs and public policy shall compensate the latter for damages”. So having cold feet at the last minute could be a gateway to jail so watch out!

Do you think guys are more prone to cold feet? Feel free to argue in the comment section below. ;)